Trick
by lifeluver
Summary: “It’s just so overrated. No one is even scary anymore; it’s all Disney princesses and Casper the Friendly Ghost.”


"What do you think about Sid and Nancy?"

"Um, cool movie, batshit crazy people. Why?" Robin went to the kitchen to fetch a beer for Barney as he took off his coat and threw it on the couch.

"Why do you think? Halloween costumes Sherbatsky! We have to get a move on or all the good ones will be gone."

"You're joking," she deadpanned.

"Yeah, it's a bit cliche, isn't it? How about Luke and Leia?"

"Is that supposed to be less cliche?"

"Hey! I don't normally have to do this for two, you know. I'm rusty. What have you got?"

"No."

"As in the word, 'no'? Too boring." Barney waved her off with a flick of his well-manicured hand.

"No, Barney, 'no' as in I'm not dressing up for Halloween with you. That's like, the lamest thing a couple can do. Besides, Halloween sucks."

Barney dropped his beer on the couch, his mouth forming a perfect, comical 'oh.'

"What? Halloween is like, the awesomest holiday of all time!"

"Please, one night a year people dress up like idiots and get candy. How exactly is that cool?"

"How exactly is that _not _cool?"

Robin rolled her eyes with a smile. "I don't know, maybe the same way magic isn't cool."

"Oh, oh," Barney stuttered, voice raised at least three octaves above it's normal pitch, one finger wagging in her face, "are you saying _this _isn't cool?"

By the time the fire department had left and Ted had finally stopped reprimanding them the conversation was thankfully forgotten. Or so Robin thought.

xxxXXXxxx

"All right, Sherbatsky, after a long period of deliberation, I've decided you were right," Barney proclaimed as he waltzed into her bedroom at seven in the morning.

"Told you Sirius Black was cooler than Voldemort," Robin mumbled incoherently from her bed.

"No, not that. You're still totally wrong about that. I've decided couples costumes are lame."

Deciding he probably wasn't going to let her go back to sleep anytime soon, Robin sat up and faced her boundaries-challenged boyfriend.

"Well, duh. What finally made you see the light?"

"Lily and Marshall are going as Spencer and Heidi from the Hills. Pathetic."

Robin laughed. "And I just managed to talk them out of going as Jon and Kate."

"We really have to stage an intervention for Marshall's reality show addiction soon, don't we?"

"Totally. Well now that Halloween night is free we could-"

"Whoa, what are you talking about?"

"You just admitted dressing up in costumes was totally lame, dude. Remember, like twelve seconds ago?"

"No...I said that couple's costumes are lame. I think we should dress up separately and surprise each other with how hot we look. I'm thinking you should go for a librarian."

Robin glared at him. "I told you, I'm not dressing up. What is your obsession with this dumb holiday?"

"Because," he whined, "it's like, the one night a year when a girl can be as slutty as she wants!"

Robin smirked playfully and climbed towards him on the bed. Putting her hands on his back she leaned in to his ear.

"Oh, I can be as slutty as you want right now," she whispered seductively before biting down on his ear. Barney moaned longingly.

"This conversation is not...over," he murmured haltingly.

"Of course not, baby," she giggled as she pulled him on top of her.

xxxXXXxxx

"All right, new deal," Barney reasoned, less than a week before D-Day. No costumes, but we go to a party!" Robin banged her head on the dirty bar table, exasperated.

"For the last time, Barney, I hate Halloween. Can't we just stay in?"

"No! I'm not letting you miss out on something this much fun. Now what do you have against Halloween?"

"It's just so overrated. No one is even scary anymore; it's all Disney princesses and Casper the Friendly Ghost."

"We're not trick-or-treating, Robin," Barney said disdainfully, conveniently forgetting the offer he had made to do just that about twenty minutes earlier. "People wear grown up costumes. Lily, help me!" he pleaded as their friend slid into the booth across from her.

"Help with what?" Lily asked cheerfully.

"Robin won't go out with me on Halloween! She's deliberately trying to steal all the fun from the world."

Robin made a face at his melodramatic antics and turned to Lily for backup.

"What? Why not?" Lily asked, horrified.

"What, you too?" Robin asked, upset at the lack of support she was receiving from her friend. "Fine. I hate Halloween because it is the perfect metaphor for all that's wrong with America. You guys have managed to turn vampires from bloodsucking villains to romantic leads! You emasculate monsters and make them into loyal pets. It's disgusting, and to be honest, rather insulting."

Lily and Barney stared at her, dumbstruck at her unexpected outburst.

"Wow, you really are afraid of the dark, aren't you?" Barney said, trying to suppress a laugh.

"You know what, maybe I am. But at least I don't taunt whatever is out there."

"Sherbatsky! I never would've pegged you for the superstitious type."

"I am not superstitious, I'm just careful. There's a difference." Robin took a long sip from her scotch, calming down.

"Yeah, whatever. Should I call Marshall? You could go looking for Bigfoot together. Shouldn't take long, just put him in front of a mirror. What up?"

Barney raised a fist and Robin reluctantly bumped it, the tension dissipated.

"Right Lily? Lily?"

"Where'd she go?" Robin asked, looking around the bar.

"I think you scared her off when you went all 'Canadian' back there," Barney said, unfazed.

"Oops. Didn't scare you away though, did I?" she asked, scooting closer to him in the bar, her hand placed innocently on his thigh.

"Please. Us Americans laugh in the face of danger, don't we?"

Robin laughed derisively. "Yeah right, you'd be hiding under the bed if you ever actually saw a real monster."

"There are no real monsters, Sherbatsky."

"That wasn't exactly a denial."

"Shut up."

xxxXXXxxx

"Hurry up, man, I gotta go to work!" Robin called. It was the day before Halloween and her station was supposed to be running a special on the 'Cutest Child Costumes in New York.' Robin fought the urge to vomit.

"Hang on, I'm coming," Barney replied from inside her bathroom. "Drumroll, please."

Robin acquiesced, clumsily pounding on the side of the wall.

With an exaggerated flourish Barney threw the door open and emerged.

"Oh my God," Robin gasped in horror, slowly taking in the sight before her. Barney stood in front of her, his shoulders hunched shyly, hair dyed a dark brown and clad in an old sweatshirt and jeans.

And, most prominently, was holding a ring.

"Robin Sherbatsky," he said, dropping to one knee before her. "Will you do me the honor of marrying me so that we can start our suburban life together, breed 2.4 kids and make each other miserable for the rest of our criminally dull existence?"

Robin stared at him, terrified.

Barney straightened up with a grin. "See? Halloween costumes can still be scary! I'm thinking you can go as Miss America. I'm practically wetting myself at the thought."

Recovering from her shock Robin laughed and hit him on the arm. "Jesus, you look exactly like him."

"I practiced the shy, hangdog, 'I haven't gotten laid in over six months, please God fall in deep all-encompassing love with me' look in the mirror for hours."

"And you nailed it."

"Yeah I did," he said with a quick high five.

"So what do you say? Do I win?"

"Maybe the bar costume contest, but no, still not going."

"Robin!" he exclaimed, throwing himself on the couch in over the top distress. "I'm wearing jeans! And a sweat shirt! I'm in cotton for God's sake and you won't dress up for one night with me?"

"Barney, I'll dress up in whatever stupid costume you want every other night of the year. Just not Halloween."

His eyes glazed over momentarily and for a second Robin thought she had successfully diverted his attention.

"Nope, not going to work," he said, jerking himself out of his daydream that they would surely reenact later that night. "You're going to go out with me and we're going to have fun."

"Barney, I'm never going to have fun on Halloween. And that is not a chall-"

"Challenge accepted!"

"Oh come _on, _man."

xxxXXXxxx

"Robin, you know I don't say this very often, but I think Barney's right. Halloween can be fun if you're in the right frame of mind," Lily said in her mothering way, as Marshall nodded emphatically next to her.

"Look you guys, it's just not my thing. And I really don't want to talk about it anymore so if we could please just-"

"Bam said the lady," Barney said as he hopped excitedly into the booth with a huge smile lighting up his boyish features.

"Bam said the lady?" Robin laughed.

"What? It's the new thing. I put it in my blog this morning, which you guys would know if you ever read it," Barney said accusingly.

"Well maybe if you would stop referring to us as your disciples in it I might be more inclined to," muttered Lily moodily.

"That was one time, and you're taking it out of context."

"Robin? You're defending him?" Lily exclaimed, turning wide, betrayed eyes onto her friend.

"Okay, getting back to my awesomeness," Barney interrupted their squabbling, "Don't ask me how, but I have managed to get us in to the... wait for it...Playboy Mansion tomorrow night. Applaud." Barney leaned back in the booth, a self-satisfied smile playing on his lips.

"Yeah, still no," Robin said cheerfully.

"Uh, is that offer open to everyone?" Marshall asked sheepishly, and was silenced by a glare from his wife.

"What ever happened to the couples costume contest here in the bar?" Lily asked hopefully. "Me and Marshall were going to trounce you guys, what could be more fun?"

"Please, Lily, that idea was dumped weeks ago. We've moved on to bigger and better things. Speaking of, why the hell not?"

"No Halloween, Barney."

"What? Why not?" Marshall asked naively. "Halloween's the best holiday ever!"

"Are you paying them?" Robin asked, annoyed.

"Robin's afraid of things that go bump in the night," Barney answered for her with a mocking smile.

"I am not afraid!"

"Then why do you hate Halloween so much?"

Robin looked from Barney to Lily, to Marshall, all watching her expectantly. Finally she let out a long sigh.

"You really want to know? Fine. When I was a kid I really wanted to dress up as Ariel from The Little Mermaid."

"They have Disney in Canada?" Robin glared at him and Barney looked innocently into his drink.

"_Anyway_, I spent weeks making my costume from scratch. I cut out about three hundred scales and pasted them on myself and spent three months worth of allowance on the fabric. So on Halloween night I got all dressed up and came downstairs. When my dad saw me he went ballistic. He made me take it off and threw it in the fire. Then he told me that I couldn't go out looking like that; that all the real monsters would come after me for being too wimpy and that I should pray they hadn't already seen me. I couldn't sleep for weeks."

Robin looked shamefully away from Lily and Marshall's heartbroken looks.

"Wow. What a load of crap."

"Barney!" Marshall gasped.

"You hated The Little Mermaid; you always complain that it's physically impossible to sing under water and the crab freaks you out. Besides, the only Disney character you've ever liked was that bear from A Jungle Book."

"Wow Robin," Marshall said in awe, "I think you've just been lawyered."

"Okay, Baloo is adorable." Robin said defensively while Barney smirked.

xxxXXXxxx

"All right, Barney, make if fast," Robin called as she entered his apartment Halloween afternoon, determined to shoot down whatever last ditch attempt he had up his sleeve. Much to her chagrin, however, no one answered and all the lights were off. Confused, and slightly annoyed, Robin checked her text message; he had definitely said to meet him at his place.

"Barney?" she called, starting to get a little freaked out. "Come on, dude, this isn't funny!" She groped around in the dark trying to find the light switch. Her hand landed on something warm and slimy. With a gasp she yanked her hand back and, in the eerie glow of the moonlight, saw her fingers coated with a dark liquid.

"Barney?" she called again, more urgently this time, a tremor of fear creeping into her voice. "Barney come out now!" she said, reaching for her gun in her purse.

"Sorry, baby," came a whisper from behind her. Robin whipped around to face the all-too familiar voice.

"What the-?"

"Barney's a little tied up now." And with one fluid motion, Lily cocked Robin's head to the side, exposing her pale neck in the light and sunk her fangs in.

Too shocked to scream, Robin fumbled desperately for her gun to no avail. The world spun and darkened around her, and as she felt herself falling into unconsciousness all she could think was, _Told you so, Barney._

xxxXXXxxx

"Hey babe, you done in there?" Marshall called from Barney's bedroom.

Straightening and wiping the blood off her chin Lily smiled. "Yup, all finished." Robin's body hit the floor with an unceremonious thud.

Marshall came into the living room, licking his lips. "Man, Barney tasted better than I thought he would. Kind of like cumin."

Lily grinned widely, her teeth tainted red. "Come on, Heidi, we've got just enough time to get changed, win the bar contest, and be back by the time they wake up."

"You think they'll be mad?"

"No way, we're doing them a favor. They've been bickering for a month about this Halloween business. Plus, now we can go double hunting together! We haven't had any vampire couple friends in ages."

"Yeah, they'll be thanking us," Marshall said proudly. "Hey, how much time do you think we have before the contest? You know how horny feeding makes me."

Marshall closed the gap between him and his wife, looking hungrily down at her.

"Well, I guess we could be a little late," she answered, stroking his cheek where Barney's blood had dried. "Just don't forget to tie her up before we go."

Marshall bit her lip playfully before snatching Robin up and tossing her over his shoulder, carrying her back to Barney's room.

xxxXXXxxx

"I can not believe you got us turned into vampires," Robin muttered.

"Me? How the hell is this my fault?" Barney asked indignantly.

"I told you not to taunt the monsters!"

"Well none of this would have happened if you would have just dressed up for the couple's contest at the bar!"

They glared at each other for a moment but neither of their hearts were really into fighting. It had been a rather rough night.

"So, Lily and Marshall?" Robin said, breaking the ice.

"Yeah, I feel like I should be more surprised."

"Me too. You think they're gonna come back and untie us anytime soon?"

"Nah, they're probably too busy winning their costume contest," Barney reasoned calmly.

"Those bastards! They feed on us but they're too scared to face us in a fight."

"I thought you said costumes were lame," Barney said drolly.

"Well they were when we were human. Now they're ironic. What do you think, Edward and Bella?"

"I think we're better suited for Spike and Druscilla."

"You've got the cheekbones for it. Come on, let's get out of here."

"Are you forgetting? We're chained up in here."

"Vampires have superhuman strength, dude." Robin yanked herself free of the chains and grinned at Barney, showing off her new fangs. "Come on, we've got a contest to win!"


End file.
